$34.00 [Pillow Ten Ways]

Kyler and I like to watch cooking shows together.  They combine his love of the culinary arts and my love of reality television.  On these shows, the chefs will often serve something like "Pork Three Ways" or "Duck Two Ways" -- I'm thinking right now specifically of Tre Wilcox from Top Chef, who seemingly in every challenge would serve the protein two or three ways.  And it always made me laugh.

So in honor of Mr. Wilcox and every chef who cannot commit to one preparation of a protein, on this installation of (over)budget pet, I bring you Pintuck Pillow* Ten Ways.

The pillow:

The featured dishes:

Glazed Icarus with a Side of Steamed Pintuck Pillow

$150.00 [Coagulation Profiles]

Lola the cat and Betelgeuse the dog went to the vet last week 48 hours after their last doses of Vitamin K and got the ALL CLEAR from the vet: There are no lasting negative health effects from their rat poison ingestion event last August. In fact, after a month of twice-daily Vitamin K supplements, Betelgeuse's blood is clotting even better than before. Net benefit to Betel's health, net loss to my wallet.

The veterinarian measured each creature's prothrombin time (at $75.00 a pop), which is a measure of the extrinsic pathway of coagulation. The prothrombin time is used to determine the clotting tendency of blood. As we discussed previously (in the post criticized for containing too many big words), Vitamin K plays a crucial role in blood clotting.

A normal range of prothrombin times for a cat is 13-22 seconds. Lola's prothrombin time was 18 seconds. Good job, Lola.

A normal range of prothrombin times for a dog is 11-14 seconds. Betel's prothrombin time was 10 seconds. Super clotting dog! Captain Vitamin K!

So thankfully life is back to normal with the clan. The animals are happy for treats to be treats again, rather than the pill-smuggling devices they had become over the last month, and the humans are happy everyone is okay.

$62.95 [Automatic Pet Feeder]

At some point during my morning routine, it is 7:30 am. At 7:30 am, depending on the day of the week, I may still be asleep. Or I may be awake in bed, playing with the animals. (We're so happy to see each other when we wake up.) I may be letting the dogs out. Or I may be in the shower. I may be kissing Kyler. I may be headed out the door.

But no matter what else is happening at that moment, at 7:30 am every day, the Petmate LeBistro Portion Control Automatic Pet Feeder deposits 1/4 cup of Wellness Healthy Weight Adult Cat Food into Lola's bowl. And at the sound of the very first few pieces of cat food dropping into the bowl, Lola is off. Jumps from wherever she is, runs full sprint, belly swaying, all the way to the automatic pet feeder. Sometimes she meows during the sprint.

How can we not make fat jokes?

Not amused.

$24.99 [Wedding Gift for Stella]

The human members of the clan traveled to Chicago, Illinois this past weekend for the wedding of my friend Le and her partner (now husband) Lindsey. Lola spent the weekend back in Brooklyn with her BFF the automatic pet feeder. Betelgeuse and Lulu spent the weekend boarded at Unleash Brooklyn, which was sad because in Chicago we stayed with Betel's first dog friend, Icarus (but not too sad because they will be reunited next week!).

On the day of the wedding, I was looking up information about the ceremony on Le and Lindsey's wedding website. This led to me to play around on their wedding registry. Even though I bought them a digital toaster off their registry months ago, I wanted to see what else was purchased because I'm curious and I have boundary issues.

As I scrolled down, there was something new on the registry that immediately caught my eye. Something I recognized from my own 2011 Halloween costume watch, but something that had not been on their registry when I bought the toaster...

The Animal Planet Raptor Dog Costume!!!

It's too much. In fact, this entire line of new Animal Planet dog costumes is too much. They are by far the best dog costumes on the market. I've been looking. (These costumes are so great that Betel and Lulu can't even wear them. Other NYC pups will definitely be wearing them, which would nix my chances of winning the costume contest.) Seriously, look at them.

$8.00 [Beer For You, Not For Your Dog]

Last weekend, Kyler and I participated in the fourth annual Brew N' Chew at The Diamond.  (For those of you who don't know, Kyler is a trained chef, an avid and award-winning homebrewer, and my life partner/partner-in-crime.)    Our homebrew and food pairing was Weizenbock (K's own recipe) and "Peanut-Butter Banana Cuties" (K's dog-approved recipe of homemade salted peanut butter and raspberry honey ice cream on a banana cookie sandwich).

We didn't win anything (but got good reviews!), but the event raised a couple thousand dollars for The Mark Project, so a good way to spend a Sunday.  Plus, I love The Diamond.  Because in addition to hosting events like the Brew 'N Chew, The Diamond is in my humble opinion the best dog-friendly bar in New York.* 

$0.02 [Betelgeuse v. Lulu]

This Internet rivalry is tearing them apart.

[Please note that Betelgeuse is the quintessential "ankle-biter".  This has been her fighting tactic since she was a tiny puppy -- it doesn't matter the size of the opponent.  This is probably a remnant of her sheep-herding ancestry, and now both Lulu and Kira fight that way, too.  Also, at 1:06, Lulu does the playbow, one of my very favorite dog stances.]

[Bonus fact about this second video:  Lulu is running back and forth through the closed screen door.]

$0.02 [Pets at Work]

I'm a junior lawyer at a big New York law firm.  That just means that I work a lot.  I spend more time in an office on the 32nd floor of a building in Midtown East than I do in my apartment in Brooklyn.  My office:

It has a lovely view of the East River, yes, but work is missing three keys to happiness:  Betelgeuse, Lulu, and Lola.

$0.01 [Lulu Jump and Pray]

I give the people what they want, and the people want Lulu.

$0.02 [2011 Halloween Costume Watch]

The weather has cooled this weekend.  You know what that means?  Halloween is right around the corner.  Well, not really, but we have been thinking about Halloween costumes since November 1 of last year, so for us, Halloween is right around the corner.

Last year, Kyler and Betelgeuse dressed up as a chef and a lobster.  They were runners-up for the best "Group" costume in the District Dog Halloween Parade and Costume Contest in McGolrick Park here in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.  See commentary on their costume ("absolutely adorable") and the winners here.

$15.00 [Bag with a Dog-Head Hole]

I have that thing that a lot of women have -- I really like bags.  I own purses, tote bags, reusable shopping bags, briefcases, suitcases, casual bags, fancy bags, backpacks, rucksacks, etc.  So what luck to have two tiny dogs who fit in bags.  The perfect reason to expand my bag arsenal.

Betelgeuse actually likes being in a bag.  She's cute and calm and never struggles to get out.  And she really likes being in a bag when she doesn't want to walk.  This happens in the summertime.  After walking a few miles on hot Brooklyn sidewalks, she will just stop and sit and look at you.  [Note: She may also stop walking when it's cold but only if the sidewalks are slushy or icy and her paws freeze.  She stops and sits like a squirrel, holding her front paws near her chest.]  When it comes to that, we're never prepared with an actual dog bag, so we just carry her or throw her in whatever bag we have on us to get her home.

It may be a backpack...

Or a reusable shopping bag...

Or a sling made out of a picnic blanket.  Or whatever.  She's basically fine in them, but since they are not made for dogs, she has trouble positioning herself so that body is in bag and head is out of bag.

To be better prepared for these every-now-and-again bouts of walk-refusal (and for those moments when you need to toss 'em in a bag for a short subway ride or to run into a store), I was in the pet products market for a lightweight, collapsible bag with a dog-head hole that I could carry in my purse or bag just in case she needed it.  So began the search that continues to this day.

I found the tote bag pictured below on Etsy.  It's a simple canvas tote bag with a dog-head hole.  Cheap, lightweight, collapsible, no ugly bone pattern, and not too girly (so that my more masculine half can carry her without feeling weird).  Plus the seller was super nice.  Perfecto!  Lu was sort of jealous of Betel's new whip.

Unfortunately (which is why I am not linking to the super nice Etsy seller), after the first washing, the stitching in several parts of the bag came undone, and now it has a bunch of holes in it.  $15.00 thrown in the animal money pit.

So I am still in the pet products market for a lightweight, collapsible bag with a dog-head hole -- handmade would be awesome, as long as it will last.  Non-handmade is OK, too, as long as it's not ugly.  It's surprisingly difficult to find a bag that fits my criteria.  I have my eye on this Wagwear Shopping Bag Carrier, but $104.00?  C'mon, really?



So I will keep looking until I find the right bag.  Until then, I can just use all the bags I already own, I guess.  But if you're a talented, crafty person reading this who can realize my vision on your sewing machine, email me and let me commission you to create the bag with a dog-head hole of my dreams.

$0.00 [French Kittens at Work]

It's a freebie. 

I was having a bad day at work, and then my brother sent me this video, and my work day improved considerably.  In fact, the only way it could get better is if there were also French kittens who worked in my office, taking depositions, drafting contracts, BUYING FISH IN THE VENDING MACHINE, etc.



Via Jezebel.

$0.02 [Portrait of the Author as a Young Babe]

Me?  Yes, I've always been this way.

(The author as a baby with cat, Secret.)

$3.44 [Puppy Tweets]

Two questions:  What was your least awesome impulse pet purchase? and How crazy are you really?

One answer: Puppy Tweets, in pink. 

In my thirty seconds of reflection before ordering Puppy Tweets on Amazon.com, I decided this would be an excellent purchase.  Puppy Tweets is an electronic dog tag with a sound and motion sensor that sends messages to your computer, then tweets to you.  A device that combines two things I love: dogs and the Internet.  Also, I'm a lawyer and I'm in my office in Manhattan during most waking hours, so I figured this would keep me informed throughout the day about Betelgeuse's comings and goings back in Brooklyn.  And finally, the retail price is $29.99, and it was on sale for $3.44 on Amazon at the time, so I thought I was getting a great deal.

Puppy Tweets, with all its potential, was a major fail.  For one, it turns out that Betelgeuse didn't have anything interesting to say.  The device comes preloaded with 500 tweets.  Betel wore it for one day, tweeted about sixteen times -- which you can see here -- and then I decidedly unfollowed her and removed the Puppy Tweets device and put it in a drawer.  Sorry, Puppy Tweets, but my dog does not like Keanu Reeves, and I don't want to read about her munching on her hindquarters.  Also, the website and packaging report that the device detects movement or barking and tweets accordingly, but really, the tweets came at seemingly random intervals (she tweeted that her nose was stuck in a birdfeeder when we were watching her sleep).  And finally, the device is huge on a small dog, and Betel kept hitting Lulu (who was merely our foster dog at the time) in the face with it when they were wrestling, and Betel didn't even tweet about it.

So Puppy Tweets was a flop, but please don't think for one second that I learned my lesson.  I have had Uncle Milton's Pet's Eye View Digital Camera, which hangs from your dog or cat's collar and takes photos from its point of view, on my wishlist for months.  If it goes on sale, you're going to have the pleasure of seeing a photostream of Lola's automatic pet feeder as she spends most of the day staring at it, waiting for it to dispense, or Lulu's p.o.v. of her various efforts to "bury" bones and treats in the couch cushions.  I'm sure you can't wait.

Update:  I have been informed that some of you actually like Betelgeuse's Puppy Tweets twitter feed.  If you would like me to reconnect the device so that you can follow her absurd Twitter feed written by Mattel employees, leave a comment here or send an email.  Anything for the fans.

$499.99 [FaceTime]

Buy an iPad 2 so that your pets can FaceTime with other animals and you can take screenshots to memorialize it.  My iPad was a birthday gift, but this moment is worth every penny of that $499.99.

Pictured here:  A FaceTime convo between Future Cat in Columbia, South Carolina and Betelgeuse in Brooklyn, New York.

$0.00 [Celebrity Look-Alike Series]

Part Three of the Celebrity Look-Alike Series (Betel and the Lulu)

I wish I knew how to add audio to this post so that the Pinky and the Brain theme song could be playing as you look at this.

The other posts in the Celebrity Look-Alike series can be accessed here.

$0.00 [Eight-Second Doggie Door]

The summer's heat has faded, which means we can keep the windows and back door open.  Lulu has converted the broken screen door into her own personal doggie door.  She just started letting herself in and out.  $0.00 for the ultimate in doggie relief convenience: not only do we not need to walk her now, we don't even need to get up and open the door.

What about the other pets?  Betelgeuse is too scared of the wooden door frame to walk through the screen.  Part of her charm, I guess.  Lola, however, will use the makeshift doggie door when no one is looking.  We'll catch her peering in at us from the outside of the back window, which is always good for a laugh.

$72.99 [Transdermal Medication]

Since the rat poison debacle, Lola and Betelgeuse have been on Vitamin K₁ supplements twice a day.  The supplements are beef-flavored tabs, which went down easy on days 1 and 2, but every successive day we have to get more creative to make sure they go down the hatch.

Medicating pets is a pain -- I say medicating pets, but I mostly mean pilling cats.  For any of my readers who own cats, I am sure you've been spammed the "how to pill a cat" joke in the past.*  Pilling a cat sucks, and if you are currently having to do it, this post is for you:  It's about my former cat Kitty (R.I.P., Kitty), the sweetest cat,** and a treatment alternative to pills that you want to know about.

 (I love this photo of Kitty.  It features four of my favorite things: an animal with its eyes closed, a 1970s color palette, presents, and - duh - Kitty.)

~$3.50 [Deflated Playball]

We found this purple 10" Hedstrom inflatable playball in an alley near the East River in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.  Betelgeuse took to it right away.

[Video]

We could never tell if she loved it or hated it.  It was hilarious.  For the last two months, she would bounce this ball off her paws or nose and chase it around the backyard, yapping furiously.  Until last Friday. 

Our latest and greatest doggie houseguest, Bella, arrived on Friday.  And she brought along her giant pitbull jaws and 50 lbs. of muscle.  Within fifteen minutes of her arrival, the reign of the purple ball was over.

We didn't buy the first one, so I shouldn't complain about having to buy the second one.  Except that I will anyway.  These balls are available for purchase for about three or four dollars in big-box and grocery stores throughout most of America.  But Brooklyn is not most of America, and these wire racks are just not going to fit in a bodega.

Unfortunately, on the Internet, the smallest quantity I can find is a 24-pack for $45.99.  Even though the idea of Betelgeuse in the backyard with 24 of these balls is amazing, the reality is a little nutty.  So we'll have to wait for our next trip out of New York to replace the ball.  And then we'll have to try remember to put it up when Bella's teeth come over.

$6.99 [Invincibles Purple Lizard]

There are a lot of dog toys in my apartment.  And I picked most of them.  But Kyler picked this one.

And because his brain is at least one part puppy, this is by far the most popular dog toy in the apartment.  Everydog loves the 6" Kyjen Invincibles Purple Lizard Squeaker Dog Toy.  It has such a hilarious squeak, and it's claim to fame is that it keeps squeaking even when punctured.

Our current houseguest, Bella loves it.

Our prior houseguest, Cheska, loved it.

Lulu loves to secret play with it.  (The photo below has nothing to do with the lizard, but Lulu refuses to be photographed playing with a toy.)

And of course Betelgeuse loves it -- squeaking it, fetching it, chewing it, sleeping with it, whatever.

Cheska and Betelgeuse methodically chewed off most of the spikes in the lizard's crest, but true to the name "Invincibles Purple Lizard," he still squeaks just as good as ever.

$6.99 for the apartment's most popular, least destructible dog toy -- on sale for $5.94 this weekend at Petco.com.

$14,600 [2008 Honda Fit]

The purchase price of the 2008 Honda Fit, my very first automobile. 

People often ask why I bother having a car in New York City?  Well, other than for trips to the vet and to the Park Slope Food Coop, the car is not for New York City -- it's so that I can get OUT of New York City.  Oh, and so that my dogs can put some phone books on the pedals and go joyriding.

$290.00 [First Strike Soft Bait]

Saturday, August 27, 2011:  The day my animals ate rat poison and almost died but lived instead.

$36.00 [Thundershirt]

Lulu is scared of thunderstorms.  At the first flash of lightning or crack of thunder, she becomes the most pathetic creature.  She just stands there -- ears-down, tail-down -- and shakes.  Sometimes I can ease her tension by putting a blanket over her head, but not always.  She doesn't stop shaking until the storm has passed.  And then she's fine.

You might think this is another post about impending Hurricane Irene, but it's probably not.  Hurricanes bring strong winds and rain, but rarely do they bring lightning (although some do).  The science of it seems to be that most hurricanes lack the vertical wind churning that forms the electrical fields that cause lightning.  Lulu is by no means a fan of rain or wind, but it's the thunder and lightning that really make her freak out.  And we've had a dark and stormy August here in New York, folks -- countless thunderstorms and record-setting rainfall -- and Irene probably won't be the last to pass through.  Poor Lu!

Which brings me to my question:  Does Lulu need a Thundershirt?  Which probably brings you to your question:  What is a Thundershirt? 

Well, for lack of a better description, it's a shirt for thunder -- you know, a thundershirt.

From the website:  "Thundershirt’s gentle, constant pressure has a dramatic calming effect for most dogs if they are anxious, fearful or over-excited. Based on surveys completed by over two thousand customers, over 80% of dogs show significant improvement in symptoms when using Thundershirt. Thundershirt is already helping tens of thousands of dogs around the world, and is recommended by thousands of veterinarians and dog trainers." 

You just wrap 'em up in it.  And then commence tranquility.

The Thundershirt's original purpose was to help calm down pups with dog storm phobia (hence the name Thundershirt) but it turns out that it's been helpful in treating a variety of dog anxieties, including leash issues (ahem, Betel).

$36.00 for a size XS Thundershirt.  With the 45-day money back guarantee on every Thundershirt (along with the absolute guarantee that we are in for some more late summer storms), it seems like a good pet investment:  Lulu can wear it during storms, and Betel can wear it on walks, and I get to say "thundershirt" some more.  Win-win-win.

$6.15 [BioBags Dog-Waste Bags]

It's unavoidable.

It's poop.

$10,000.00 [Expensive Tastes]

Dog Eats 10k Worth Of Diamonds

$10,000 for diamond dog treats, followed by poopy diamonds. Nice one, Honey Bun.

$0.00 [Celebrity Look-Alike Series]

Part Two of the Celebrity Look-Alike Series (Cheska), a gift from my brother:

This follows up on Part One (Lulu), a gift from my boyfriend:

The other posts in the Celebrity Look-Alike Series can be accessed here.

$3.29 [Messes]

Introducing Cheska, a four-and-a-half-month-old Peruvian Hairless puppy, who has been at our homestead for the past week.

Cue paper towels.

Cheska had a less-than-ideal first several months in the world:  born on the streets of Peru, rescued by an elderly couple who decided to bring her to the States, spent a month in quarantine in Costa Rica and then some time with the elderly couple in a small apartment in New York before being adopted by a friend one week ago.  He had to go to L.A. for business one short day after adopting her, so I — who was so encouraging of the adoption in the first place — agreed to care for her while he was away. 

We are on Day 7. 

We have been counting.

Cheska is a bit of a wild animal, on account of her lineage of feral Peruvian street dogs and lack of socialization and training - barking, jumping, erratic on the leash, possessive about people and food, wary of strangers, and approximately 30% housebroken.  Poor thing is also a bit of a mess health-wise.  Like the name “Peruvian Hairless Dog” implies, she is hairless, other than some tufts of hair on the top of her head. But the poor bald fawn is also covered in acne and sores.  She is going to the vet this week, but a Sunday brunch meeting with my vet (and friend) revealed that she probably needs a strong antibiotic and special skincare regimen, along with a skin-scraping to check for mites.

Cheska is growing on us, though, and she has come so far behaviorally in just a week.  She is much calmer than when she arrived and a much better listener.  (And I no longer have to knee her in the chest every five minutes to stop her from jumping and scratching me like I did the first several days, which was pretty terrible.)  We gave her an oatmeal bath and goat's milk lotion rub down, and she wears clothes so that we can more easily be affectionate with her.  She is learning "sit" and getting better at going potty outside and knows now not to chase the cat.  Betelgeuse and Lulu are also helping to teach her some manners.

Unfortunately, she fairly routinely poops and pees in the apartment and in her crate, so we've gone through quite a few bottles of Nature's Miracle, quarters at the laundromat, and let's not forget the paper towels -- $3.29 is the approximate retail price of Viva Choose-A-Size Towels, which, while not being the most environmentally friendly choice, are far and away my favorite absorbent medium for animal messes made by loveable animals.

Challenges with housebreaking are a fact of puppyhood, though, and the most endearing thing about Cheska (other than thinking of her as the offspring of Dobby and Jar Jar Binks) is that there is a puppy inside of there, who just wants to cuddle, chew, and go nuts on a squeaky toy in the backyard.

Cheska is going to be a great dog, but there are going to be struggles to get her there — it’s good that her new owner is up for it.  He is coming for her on Thursday morning.  I will kiss her goodbye on her yucky-but-cute little head and give him some paper towels for the road.  He's gonna need 'em.

$9.99 [Aerobie Superdisc]

I know this little dog named Betelgeuse who cannot live without a 10" Aerobie Superdisc in her life.

My better, saner half has always wanted a dog who can catch a Frisbee.  Betel may never realize his vision, but she will give it her best shot and will also fetch that darn Frisbee over and over until she collapses from exhaustion.  I could have put any number of videos of her with her Frisbee, but I just chose the most recent.  I've written a post in the past about her love of balls, but the Frisbee is the real deal, numero uno, her soul mate in toy form.

She is attracted to most Frisbees, but the standard-sized Frisbee is a little too big for her.  It's both too heavy (give her a break -- she only weighs 11 lbs.) and too tall (it can get caught on the ground when she is running with it in her mouth).  But the 10" Aerobie Superdisc is a perfect size and so lightweight.  It's one of the easiest Frisbees I've ever thrown, and the plastic is resistant to sharp little teeth, even after a good, loving chew.

The disc costs approximately $9.99, but we've gone through several of these in the last few years.  (The first one was a birthday gift from K to me because we love playing Frisbee, which is the equivalent of monkey in the middle for Betel.)  I think we "accidentally" left one of them in Chicago -- Ahem, Icarus, do you know anything about this?*

And one got "lost" in Pennsylvania -- we're looking at you for this one, Abby.

But I guess that just goes to show what a big hit this Frisbee is for the pups in our life.  Highly recommended for the humans, too!

* Photo by CPE, cribbed from her Flickr