$11.00 [A Dog Toy the Size of Your Dog]

Betelgeuse has (finally) fully recovered from last week's sickness.  Thank you for your get well wishes!

*     *     *

A few weeks ago, we shared a room at La Quinta Inn in Virginia Beach, Virginia with my brother, his lovely girlfriend, and their dog, Rigel.  My puppy nephew has gotten so big!

Rigel had this big plush squeaking bunny dog toy that he just loved.  He would squeak it, shake it, hold it, hump it.  I had never thought to get my little dogs such a big toy, but it was super cute to see Rigel and a Rigel-sized bunny locked in an embrace.  So on our way out of town, I stopped into a pet store to purchase Betelgeuse her own big plush squeaking bunny.  Only this pet store didn't sell big plush squeaking bunnies, so I got her a big plush squeaking blue dog instead.*  She loves it, guys.

And so now we have three dogs ($11).

*  I can't for the life of me find a link to the blue dog on the Internet.  It is difficult to come up with Google search terms for a dog toy that is also a dog.  Let me know if you come up with anything.

$12.50 [Wagatha's Organic Dog Biscuits]

My childhood dog, Patches, would go nuts over Milk Bones.  He liked them so much that it made me want to taste them just to see what all the fuss was about

Do you know what my current dogs Betelgeuse and Lulu will do if you offer them a Milk Bone?  They either (1) sniff at it and refuse to accept it at all or (2) take it in their mouths and then spit it out -- yes, they will open their mouths and let the Milk Bone fall right off their tongues.  And it's always some well-meaning small business owner or family friend offering the Milk Bone, so it's just embarrassing that my spoiled little Brooklyn dogs are so unapologetically, Thanks, but no thanks, we're too good for a Milk Bone.

New York did the same thing to my husband's and my taste buds, but we will graciously accept and eat the bland boxed mashed potatoes you offer us and then complain about them later when we're alone.  We don't refuse or spit them out.  In any event, we're supposed to have refined tastes because we're human.

So what is the (over)budget pet version of a Milk Bone, then?  Easy -- it's Wagatha's Coconut Grove Organic Dog Biscuits ($12.50 for 16 oz.).

These wheat-free bone-shaped biscuits are made with human-grade certified organic ingredients, including coconut and tart cherries.  My dogs love these things!  Wagatha's biscuits also come in Little Bites ($7.00 for 8 oz.) and in a host of other flavors, big and little, none of which Betel and Lu have tried.

I like to give each pup a biscuit or half a biscuit when I leave for work in the morning.  It's a little routine we've developed that seems to make my daily departure easier on all of us.  Betel and Lulu used to stand right by the door, holding onto a final hope that I was not in fact going to work but rather was about to grab the leashes so we could all go somewhere awesome together.  And then I would close the door in their little doggie faces.  Now, they settle down happily on the rug with a biscuit as I leave.  Sure, Milk Bones would be cheaper, but these two are worth every penny of that $12.50.

Bon appétit!

$20.00 [Don't buy me this.]

If you didn't already know, I HATE shit like this.  This being a dog butt towel holder ($20).  I will not validate this product with a link, although I should give credit to Pawesome, which is where I stumbled across this terrible thing.

Nobody buys this sort of crap for themselves.  It's always a gift from someone else, and then you (you usually being ME) end up with a dog butt towel holder in your apartment.  Maybe you actually put it up on your wall because the gifter is a regular guest in your home or maybe it's hidden away in a box until enough time has passed that you don't feel guilty anymore when you donate it to Goodwill.

Well, here is a tip for the next time you are shopping for an animal lover:  Do not buy her anything with a dog butt on it.  She has too much interaction with dog butts already, so it's just not funny.  The same goes for cat butts.  Someone actually bought me cat butt magnets ($5) in the past.  I don't speak to this person anymore -- not on account of the cat butts, but I should have taken that as a warning sign.

These cat butt stickers are currently out of stock on most websites.  This post is already too little too late.

$43.00 [Paw Pads v. NYC Sidewalk Slush]

Below freezing temperatures and snow this weekend -- a brief interlude from our otherwise unseasonably warm winter weather.  As circumstances would have it, we were also dog sitting the rescued Peruvian Hairless puppy, Cheska, during the weekend's winter storm.

My understanding is that it gets quite cold in at least certain regions in Peru, but maybe the hairless dogs weather the inclement weather (pun intended) in a warm cave deep in the Andes.  Cheska was NOT made for the snow.  Even a full-body onesie + coat is not enough to stop her from shivering and protesting any outdoor activities.  Ever watched a puppy stage a full-on poop strike?  Poor Cheska.

Poor poor Cheska.

My dogs, Betel and Lulu, come with their own fur coats...

Just not their own boots.  They do fine walking through snow, but if it's slush (or even better, special NYC sidewalk slush, which is mixed with salt and chemicals to become SUPER cold), the pups spend our "walk" hopping on three legs while trying to defrost a frozen paw in their mouth.  And even after all the slush has melted, the lingering salt and de-icing chemicals on the sidewalk can irritate their paw pads and cause dryness and painful cracking.  There are two products in my arsenal that help protect the bubs' paws in winter:

[1] Mushers Secret ($14 for 60 grams), which is a wax that forms a semi-permeable shield on the pups' paws to protect them from snow (including ice build-up between paws), salt, chemicals, grit, rough terrain, and other paw pad irritants.  Apply once a week or more often.  All three pups had their paws waxed this weekend.

[2] Pawz Natural Rubber Dog Boots ($14 for X-Small, i.e., Lu, $15 for Small, i.e., Betel), which are disposable (but reusable!), biodegradable waterproof dog boots.  They're thick rubber balloons that slide right on the pups' feet.  They come in seven sizes (from "Tiny" to "X-Large") and there are twelve boots to a package.

The dogs walk funny when you first put them on (videos of Betelgeuse from last winter in our old apartment below) but then they forget they're even wearing them.  They don't need Pawz on every snowy or icy walk -- these boots are made for those terrible slushy days or if you're going to be out for a long time in the cold.  As a bonus:  these boots protect their paws from even coming into contact with salt, which can cause vomiting and diarrhea when licked.  Yuck.

After our one frozen weekend, we're back to sunny skies and mild temps in New York.  So I've stored these winter goods again.  If you don't already own Mushers Secret wax or Pawz boots, you may want to hold off on buying -- they may be rendered obsolete by global warming.

I'm sure Lulu won't mind.

$13.99 [Ware Scratch-N-Television]

Have you ever bought a gift for someone and knew that you nailed it?

It happened to me twice this past holiday season:  first, with my boyfriend's mom, who I bought a Temp-tations Old World Figural Chicken 5-piece Measuring Set (nailed it), and second, with my nine-year-old cat Lola, who I bought a Ware Scratch-N-Television ($13.99).

The Ware Scratch-N-Television is a corrugated cardboard scratch pad inside of a cardboard box "television."  The "television" has an open square on the front (the screen) and a hole on the side (which I assume is another entry point for the cat).  It also comes with catnip to sprinkle onto the scratch pad.  And, as if all that wasn't enough fun for $13.99, the antenna features a dangling poof.

Below is the promotional image for the Ware Scratch-N-Television -- you can see the hole on the side and the antenna in this image.  I like that Ware used a bigger cat instead of a tiny kitten for advertising.  I'd love to know his back story.  He has a face made for TV.

Lola just loves the Ware Scratch-N-Television -- she scratches it, sleeps in it (with part of her head hanging out of the hole on the side), rubs her face and body all over it.  And of course I'm getting a kick out of seeing her on TV.  We've previously discussed Lola's love of cardboard boxes, but who knew I could love them too if they were just made to look like something cute.  This isn't trash that needs to be taken out to the recycling bin -- this is a toy television, and my cat is inside of it!

There is a whole range of products in this cardboard-boxes-made-to-look-like-something-cute category.  For example, the Suck UK Cardboard Classics Cat Playhouses in Firetruck, Airplane, Tank or Cadillac (approx. $34.95 each).  These do not come with a scratch pad inside, but you can buy a scratch pad for less than $10.00 to use as a base inside the box for added cat appeal.

Also, the Loyal Luxe Native American Cat Teepee ($24.00).  All this cat needs is a feather headdress, and this image would be perfect.  Same note as above that there is no scratch pad inside.

Not a box, but, whatever, this is a cardboard scratch pad that turns your cat into a DJ(!!!):  the Suck UK Cat Scratch Cat Playhouse ($23.00).

There's also the Cat Above SnoozePal Cat Hammock ($34.95).  This is a twist on the cardboard cat furniture -- rather than being a cardboard box masquerading as something cute, it's a hammock masquerading as a cardboard bankers box.  Kyler saw the SnoozePal Cat Hammock in PS9 Pet Supplies and really liked it for Lola.  He even pushed hard on the hammock to make sure it could support her (it supports up to 20 lbs., so it's actually sort of close).  I like it in "calm camel."  I'm a broken record, but I would definitely put a scratch pad on the bottom and make it do double duty -- we have precious little floor space in our apartment.

Alternatively, if you're crafty and/or really really bored and/or insane, Martha Stewart shows you how to make your cat playhouse out of cardboard boxes ($0.00).  [If your cat is a chewer, I would recommend against using a hot glue gun to construct your cat house.]

Of all of these products, I think the most bang for your buck is the Ware Scratch-N-Television.  You can buy it for your cat at Wag.com for $13.99 and tune into the kitty channel 24-7.  Yep.  Nailed it.

$16.62 [FroliCat BOLT]

My brother's feline companion Future Cat spent his holidays at my apartment in Brooklyn.  I love me some Future Cat.  He's just one of those cats.

As an aside, did you know that Kyler and I rescued Future Cat in 2003 from a grocery store parking lot in Norfolk, Virginia, right after Hurricane Isabel passed through?  He and Lola lived together as young cats in Virginia Beach (although during his stay in Brooklyn, Lola was terrible to him, but she's terrible to everyone except for me).

Oh, Future.  He was so tiny.

Not anymore.

You wouldn't know it by looking at his 22 lb. throw pillow-esc frame, but Future Cat is quite playful.  He loves catnip toys, scratch pads, feather toys, and, most of all, laser pointers.  

So I knew exactly what to get him for Christmas:  The FroliCat BOLT ($19.95).  The FroliCat Bolt is an interactive laser toy -- you can either use it manually or put it on a flat surface, in which case the BOLT generates a fifteen-minute perfect-for-cats bolting laser pointer sequence.  You should have seen the joy on Future Cat's face as he unwrapped this gift under the tree (although he would have been happier if he also unwrapped 4 AA batteries, which don't come with the BOLT).  You can currently buy the FroliCat BOLT on sale at Amazon for $16.62.

Note:  I thought Future Cat would be fine with the BOLT, but if you're in the market for an automated laser pointer toy (and who isn't?), you should also know about the FroliCat DART ($34.95).  The DART is marketed for cats and dogs.  It generates 360 degree laser patterns, has variable speed settings, and features an adjustable timer (so, unlike the BOLT, it's not limited to fifteen minutes).  The DART, however, has no manual setting.  The FroliCat DART is currently on sale at Amazon for $27.99.  [I love how stressed out the kitten looks in the promotional image.]

My own pets don't have any interest in laser pointers, but if your pets do, these FroliCat products keep 'em occupied while you take a break.  $16.62 to keep this little devil happy and busy -- well worth it!

$158 [Your House Stinks, Part V]

This post continues where we left off after Part I [Furnishings & The Floor], II [Bedding & Other Washables], III [The Air] & IV [The Litter Box].

The Definitive (Over)Budget Pet Guide to De-Stinking Your House and Home

Part V - The Beasts

Merry Christmas Eve Eve / Happy Third Day of Chanukah.  Your holiday guests are about to arrive, or perhaps they're already here. You've cleaned your home from top to bottom, but something still smells amiss.  Maybe the Thanksgiving leftovers you forgot to throw out are rotting in the fridge.  Maybe.  But more likely it's your pet.

Dogs (and sometimes cats, but less often) can be pretty stinky.  Their fur, their farts, their breath, etc.  And maybe they just need a bath and a good tooth-brushing, but please note:  If your pet has a persistent bad odor or develops a new stinky smell, it may be symptomatic of an underlying medical condition.  Talk to your vet about it.

But for the non-medical-condition-induced stink, there are some things you can do.

• Wash your Dog.  The hard part about advising on what dog shampoo to use is that all dogs are different -- Lulu the Pom-mix is going to require a different shampoo than Icky the whippet, who is going to require a different shampoo than Roxy the dermatitis-stricken Golden Retriever.  There are medicated shampoos for itchy skin or brightening shampoos for white fur.  So here is what I use for our pups, but you should experiment to see what works for your dog.
  
  Lulu and Betelgeuse essentially have hair instead of fur, and they are active dogs who like to get nice 'n dirty.  We use Earthbath Oatmeal & Aloe Shampoo ($11).  It gets them super clean -- removes dirt, dingles, odors, etc. -- and I love the way it smells.  This shampoo makes them so soft and fluffy, although it is a bit drying on its own.  It can be paired with Earthbath Creme Rinse & Conditioner ($9) for conditioning and detangling.  [You can browse the full line of Earthbath shampoos here.]  I also like Isle of Dogs Everyday Lush Coating Shampoo ($13) for extra Pomeranian poof.  Betelgeuse hates baths and struggles while we lather her up, so I am in the market for a conditioning shampoo or two-in-one shampoo and conditioner, like Aroma Paws Luxury Dog Shampoo and Conditioner in One ($15), but I need to use what I have before trying a new brand.

• In Between Baths.  So my usual if-it's-dirty-wash-it motto does not always apply to dogs.  Sometimes it's not a convenient time to give your dog a bath, even if she stinks.  Our dogs take a long time -- and several towels -- to dry.  So if our guests are an hour away, and Betelgeuse rolled in a dead something, I need a stop gap measure to address the odor without giving her a full bath.  That's what wipes and waterless shampoos are for.  I like Nature's Dog by Canus Fresh Goat's Milk Lotion-Based All Purpose Pet Wipes ($7) for wiping away dirt, mud, or dingle-berries.  And for cleansing and deodorizing, I like Kiehl's Spray-N-Play Cleansing Spritz ($13), which is a waterless shampoo that smells heavenly.  You spray the dog, foam 'em up, and then towel them off.

• Clean the Eyes and Ears.  Our two dogs fastidiously groom each other's eyes and ears, which means less work for us. Both pups have dark fur around their eyes, so we don't have issues with eye stains.  But their little triangle dog ears are the perfect breeding ground for mites, yeast, or bacterial infections, so we have to take some extra steps to keep them clean.  There are thousands of ear care products on the market, and I really don't know what is best.  I was using ear drops, and I recently purchased Earthbath Ear Wipes ($7) when I noticed that Betel's ears were a little bit waxy.  They seem to work fine.

• Get your Dog Professionally Groomed.  You can also pay someone to do all the above for you.  We do this for Betel and Lulu approximately twice a year [previous post on grooming here] ($60).  The groomers' price tag includes "nail clipping, ear cleaning, anal gland expression, a rejuvenating bath with all natural shampoos and conditioner, and hair cut to your specifications."  [I should do another post on just anal glands, but this blog is getting downright gross.]  I loooooove getting the dogs groomed -- I drop them off and pick them up a few hours later totally clean and de-matted, with clipped nails and cute haircuts.  It's awesome.  I just wish it wasn't so expensive.  That's New York for you, I guess.  We let their coats grow long in the winter, but we plan to take Lulu in soon for a "sanitary trim," which means they'll cut her butt hair short.  She's been having some "stool sticking," a.k.a. "dingle-berries," and we're all getting a little tired [Lulu included] of the butt baths.

• Address Your Dog's Breath.  We're currently working this one out.  Lulu's breath still stinks.  She has a great smile, but there is a demon stink inside of her.  The vet thinks it's just gingivitis on her back teeth and said she would clean them if Lulu ever needs to go under the knife for something else [which I hope is never].  I'll update this guide when I find something that works in the interim.

And now onto cats.  Meeeeeeeeeeow.

Cats are a lot easier.  They can produce a foul stink [see Part IV for litter box tips], but for the most part the cats themselves are very clean.  They spend approximately 10% of their waking hours grooming themselves.  Same advice above is relevant for your feline companions, though:  If there is a bad odor coming from their fur, ears, or mouth, or if the cat suddenly stops grooming herself, talk to your vet.  These are signs something could be wrong.  I have only a few tips to keep your cat smelling fresh and clean.

• Bathe your cat.  I don't bathe Lola in water.  If I had planned to bathe her as an adult, I should have started bathing her as a kitten.  I value my skin's integrity, and so I cannot bathe Lola.  To be fair, she does a very good job of grooming herself, and she has short hair, so there is no matting or hairball concerns.  The occasional waterless bath with Earthbath Grooming Foam for Cats ($6) seems to be enough to keep her smelling like, well, nothing.

• Brush your cat.  Lola takes care of most of her own grooming needs, but I supplement her efforts with The Furminator ($32).  Brushing your cat prevents excessive shedding and helps remove dander.  The Furminator is nice because it takes out the loose undercoat.  Lola rolls around and meows while I brush her -- I imagine it must feel like a back scratch. 

• Brush your cat's teeth.  This advice is hypocritical because I am unable to brush my cat's teeth.  If you've met Lola, you will understand.  I give her tartar control treats, but she has icky teeth.  At the tender young age of 7 years, had four teeth removed.  Apparently orange tabbies are notorious for bad teeth, but if I could go back in time, I would tell twenty-one year old me to brush my new kitten Lola's teeth so that she would get used to it.  But for now I'm just going to tell you instead.

So with that, I conclude the Definitive (Over)budget Pet Guide to De-stinking Your House and Home and wish you the merriest, least stinky holiday season yet.

$443.11 [Your House Stinks, Parts II and III]

This post continues where we left off after Part I.

The Definitive (Over)Budget Pet Guide to De-Stinking Your House and Home

Part II - Bedding & Other Washables

This part of the Guide is pretty simple.  If you can fit it in a washing machine, then don't just spray it with a cleaning solution or sprinkle it with baking soda, WASH IT.  Use your regular detergent or, for added odor-fighting power, an enzymatic laundry detergent, like BioKleen Free & Clear Laundry Detergent ($14.33).  There are even a few products formulated especially for pet laundry, like Petastic Deodorizing Pet Laundry Detergent ($8.29), which can be used as a pre-treat or as your sole detergent [I use it!], or Nature's Miracle Laundry Boost Stain & Odor Additive ($8.99), which can be used in addition to your regular detergent.  If you are an urbanite like us and cannot immediately launder the soiled item because you don't own a washing machine, spray the area with Nature's Miracle Stain & Odor Remover ($6) or pre-treat with one of the above detergents as a stop-gap measure until you can make the trek to the laundromat ($4.50).

In addition to soiled items, regularly wash anything washable that your pets use.  This includes pet bedding, pet clothes, plush toys, leashes and harnesses, pillows, pillowcases, cushion covers, blankets, throws, etc.  If your apartment is squeaky clean but your stinky dog has been lounging on your throws, your apartment will smell like a stinky dog.  Wash your throws.  [Wash your dog, too -- we'll cover that in Part V.]  We recently dropped off $85 worth of laundry at our cleaners for wash-and-fold service because it was time to wash every pet bed, pet toy, throw rug, throw pillow, blanket, and towel we own after the kittens left town.  It was epic.  My apartment smells awesome.

Part III - The Air

Deodorizing the air itself is key.  Once the offending stink has been removed from your furnishings, floors, and fabrics, it can still linger in the air.  We're talking about "wet dog", "I rolled in a dead worm," lingering poop smell, litter box stink, etc.  [Part IV is devoted to the litter box, but we will address ambient litter box stink here.]

• Pet Odor Exterminator Candle ($9 for 70 hours of burn time).  Another enzyme-based product, which attacks the odor particles instead of just masking them with smelly candle smell.  I have used the Lavender with Chamomile, Cherry Pomegranate, and Luscious Creamsicle scents.  I buy them at Unleash Brooklyn, but you can also buy them online -- there are seasonal scents and this company also makes a smoke-odor line of products, which appear to be the same as the pet odor candles with a different label.  These candles are AWESOME.  Super effective with a subtle fragrance.  I keep one in every room, and it is the only candle that can truly counteract kitten stink.  How can something so small and cute make such an awful smell?  I loooooove these candles.  Seriously, it's like this.  [I read the testimonials and can't stop laughing about this litany of animals: "2 dogs, a Bearded Dragon, 2 tortoises, and a corn snake."]

• Bad Air Sponge ($12).  I keep one in the bathroom (in between the human toilet and the cat box), one in the fermentation closet (yeup, we brew beer here), and one in my closet with my clothes.  And this product was invaluable when we had the kittens living in the office.  The Bad Air Sponge neutralizes odor molecules in the air (see also: poop particles!) and also neutralizes odors from porous materials (e.g., furniture, carpets, drapes, walls, upholstery).  It is non-toxic, natural, biodegradable, and safe to use around children and pets (i.e, my dog can eat it and not die, unlike the other blue stuff she ate and almost died).  It works for 30-150 days in rooms up to 400 sq. ft. -- that's entire apartments in Brooklyn!  I'm thinking about getting one for the car, too.
  Note:  I've also tried the Fresh 'N Clean Solid Pet Odor Deodorizer, which is a similar product, but the Bad Air Sponge is leaps and bounds more effective and longer lasting.  I may also try the Earth Care Odor Removing Bag ($19.99) when my Bad Air Sponge expires -- it is mineral-based, non-toxic, biodegradable and safe for pets and children.  It has great reviews, and I like that it hangs rather than taking up precious floor or table top space.

• Air Purifiers.  Air purifiers are a MUST if you live with animals, and I would go so far as to say they're a MUST if you live in an urban area (and probably on a farm, too).  We own the Austin Air Healthmate Jr. Plus Air Purifier ($380), but there are air purifiers at every price point, so do your homework before you buy.  I bought our Austin Air Healthmate Jr. Plus in May 2010 when we had two humans and three animals (including a not-completely housebroken puppy and a sick old long-haired cat) packed in a tiny railroad apartment.  The filter on the Austin Air Healthmate Jr. Plus model only needs to be replaced once every five years, and it cleans a "room area" of up to 700 sq. ft. -- yes, a "room area" larger than our last apartment.  It's not the most quiet model, but I prefer white noise to silence, so that's a pro for me.  This is a key part of our de-stinking strategic plan and also a key part of my boyfriend's de-allergizing strategic plan -- along with allergy shots and nasal sprays.  We also have a number of air-purifying houseplants, which cost significantly less than an electronic air purifier, and which are awesome to have around for tons of other reasons.

• Adequate Ventilation.  Open your windows, run your fans!  Keep the air moving and the odors at bay.

• Other.  We've used "room sprays," wall plug-ins, and other kinds of scented candles, but these aren't really necessary.  I like our apartment to smell like nothing (or food), so I stay away from a lot of the fragrant products, other than the above candles, which are effective and neutralize odors with just a subtle lingering fragrance.  And eww to Febreze or anything "clean linen" scented.  Just clean it for real, please.

$188.05 [Your House Stinks, Part I]

Got company coming for the holidays?  Got animals?  Well, I hate to break it to you, but you should know this before your guests arrive:  Your house stinks.  You need to address it.  But I'm here to help. 

I know this stuff.  I grew up in a house that could have doubled for a pet store.  We had cats, dogs, ferrets, lizards, rabbits, fish, birds.  And we had some particularly stinky examples of the species:  a dog with skin allergies, multiple male cats "spraying" their territory (ever had to hop a "pee spot" to get out of your bedroom?), an old ferret (enough said).  Our house definitely smelled like animals.  As an adult, I am determined not to let my home fall victim to the animal stink.  I am at war with pet-related odors, and with my arsenal of specialty pet products, despite living in a small Brooklyn apartment, I have been largely successful in this war.*  And now I'm going to help you.  Yes, my first helpful blog post:

The Definitive (Over)Budget Pet Guide to De-Stinking Your House and Home

Part I - Furnishings & The Floor

• Anti-Icky-Poo ($29.95 for a gallon).  This odor-eliminating product is a miracle worker.  This is for your worst case scenario:  a dog or, worse, a cat releases its bladder onto your couch, mattress, or carpet.  You know, the one squat (and then it's never just the one) that stinks up something on which you spent a substantial amount of money and where you and your family, friends, lovers sit, lay, and sleep.  Anti-Icky-Poo is for that.  It's an enzymatic cleaner.  It has an active bacteria ingredient that eats the decaying organic matter rather than just masking the smell.  So what's left behind is odorless -- no pee odor and no terrible chemical smell.  Anti-Icky-Poo saved my couch from the wrath of Lola.  You can use this product for any organic or bio odor (including poop, pee, skunk, corpse and odors with a human origin).
  Instructions:  Clean up the mess, spray Anti-Icky-Poo onto the compromised surface, then wait for the product to dry.
  Notes:  First, this is for odors, not stains, so you may need to follow up with a stain remover once this product is dry (see below).  But you have to use this product first  -- if you use it after another cleaner, especially a synthetic cleaner, it is less effective and can cause discoloration.  Don't go to town with tons of cleaners -- just spray or pour Anti-Icky-Poo on the area and trust that it will work.  Second, it takes three times as long as you think it will for this stuff to dry.  Wait it out.  Third, Anti-Icky-Poo even works on old odors.  Seriously, this stuff is the BEST.

• Nature's Miracle Just for Cats Orange-Oxy Stain & Odor Remover ($10.85 for 24 fl. oz. spray bottle).  This is currently my preferred product for pet stains and for doggie accidents on our large area rug.  Lulu is the only one of our animals who has "accidents" anymore, and I put it in quotes because it only seems to happen when its raining outside [ahem, Lulu], but we also sometimes have accident-prone puppy visitors.  C'est la vie -- I wouldn't have it any other way.  I also use this product on the rug to remove muddy paw prints and to generally brighten it up from animal and human shoe traffic.  [Why do we -- Brooklyn beer brewer and animal hoarder -- have a light colored rug?  Anybody?]
  Instructions:  (1) Wipe up as much of stain/odor-causing material as possible, (2) Spray entire area, (3) For tough stains, use a stiff brush, (4) Allow everything to air dry completely, and (5) Keep pets away from treated area until dry.
  Notes:  First, for cat pee or large areas, don't listen to those Nature's Miracle fanatics, start with Anti-Icky-Poo (above).  Second, this product is good for small spots on carpets or large rugs, but if you're dealing with soiled bedding or something otherwise small enough to put in a washing machine, just wash it instead with an enzymatic pet laundry detergent, which will be addressed in Part II of the Guide.  Third, this product has a slight chemically orange odor that lingers until the spot is totally dry (which can take a few days), so I like to keep the windows open and the ceiling fan going in the meantime for circulation. 

• Dog Whisperer Natural Stain & Odor Remover for Hard Surfaces ($13).  My past five apartments in Chicago, Baltimore, and Brooklyn have all had hardwood floors.  You can use an all-purpose cleaner for vinyl or linoleum floors [I personally like Parsley Plus All Surface Cleaner ($5.29 for 22 fl. oz.)], but you need a special cleaner for hardwood floors.  Cue the Dog Whisperer.  Confession: I have not used this new formulation, but I was obsessed with the old one.  Hopefully it is the same stuff in new packaging.  Currently, for any pet messes (poop, pee, puke, etc.), human spills, or mud on the floor, I've been using Nature's Miracle Dual Action Hard Floor Stain & Odor Remover ($11.78 for 24 fl. oz.), which works just fine.  But I was give-it-to-other-people-as-a-holiday-gift obsessed with the Dog Whisperer cleaner, so I will probably buy the new formulation when I use up my current spray bottle of Nature's Miracle.
  Instructions:  Spray and wipe up.
  Notes:  These products are for finished floors only.  For unfinished floors, soak 'em with Anti-Icky-Poo (above).  I'm officially a broken record.  

• Dyson DC28 Animal Vacuum ($649.99).  Vacuum everything often.  This is key in controlling odors and reducing allergens in your home.  I'm talking your carpets, your rugs, your hardwood floors, your couch cushions, etc.  I don't actually own this vacuum (I own a cheap old Hoover Nano-Lite), but if I had a large home or carpets + an infinite amount of money, I would sure as hell own this vacuum.  The Dyson DC28 Animal is the vacuum of my dreams.
  Instructions:  Plug it in, turn it on, watch your pets scatter like it's the end of the world.  Empty the canister often (and preferably outside).
  Notes:  Before vacuuming carpets or large rugs, I like to sprinkle a baking soda product like actual baking soda ($4.26) or Arm & Hammer Plus OxiClean Dirt Fighters Carpet Odor Eliminator - Pet Fresh ($4.85).  Don't use these products on hardwood floors, though -- the baking soda just gets stuck in the cracks.  Oh, and you should mop hard surfaces, too, of course, but that's not animal-specific so I won't get into it here.

• Shark Cordless Pet Perfect II Hand Vac ($68.12).  I do own this hand-held vacuum (a.k.a. dust buster), on the same theory as the vacuum.  This one was awesome for a hot second and then lost its suction power.  I am in the process of troubleshooting, but I feel like this always happens with dust busters.

• Flor Modular Carpet Tiles (prices vary).  My next large rug purchase will actually be a bunch of small dark-but-not-too-dark-colored Flor carpet tiles put together, and I will keep a set of back-up tiles in the closet.  Flor modular carpet tiles can be removed and then cleaned, refreshed, and replaced, perfect for a home with pets.  I will use this guide to select them.  In my dreams, I have a Flor rug and vacuum it with a Dyson DC28 Animal Vacuum.  And no, it's not weird that I dream about rugs.

• Hypoallergenic Waterproof Mattress Protector ($39.95).  Unless you're one of the well-adjusted non-crazies who don't allow animals in their beds, if you have a puppy, just suck it up and get a waterproof mattress protector.  [We currently have a hypoallergenic mattress protector because Kyler has dog and cat hair allergies, but if we ever have another accident-prone puppy, which is ALL puppies, I will definitely get a waterproof cover.]  Yes, you can get the pee smell out of your bed with an enzymatic cleaner, but it's better to never get to that point -- just get a waterproof mattress cover.  I found this image on the Internet.  Cute, right?  Also, I'm so glad Betel is a "big dog" now and despite her size can hold her pee longer than any other dog I know.  No more "I'm sorry," although I don't believe she has ever been "sorry" about anything in her life. 

I think this concludes Part I - Furnishings & The Floor.

To preview the rest of the guide:
Part II - Bedding & Other Washables
Part III - The Air
Part IV - The Litter Box
Part V - The Beasts

* My most honest friend who also incidentally hates animals (yes, really) had this to say about my apartment: "I would never know you had pets from the look or smell of your apartment. The only give-aways are the cute water fountain and cute plush animals toys and things like that." - Sabrina

** The $188.05 cost in the post title is everything but the vacuum and Flor tiles, although it decreases to $119.93 if I go back in time and never buy the stupid dust buster. Turns out it's not cheap to smell this good.

$183.59 [Lola's Holiday Wish List]

It is our ninth Christmas together, I can't believe it.  Yes, it's time for Lola's Wish List!

*          *          *

Dear Santa,

I like you.  We're both on the big side and look good in red.  Give me some or all of my wish list, and I'll probably like you even more.

Clockwise from top left:  Sojos Premium Organic Catnip ($3.99) | Armakat Classic Cat Tree, yes we already had this, and no, I was not consulted in the decision to donate it to a cat rescue organization ($132) | Set of Three Shrimp Catnip Cat Toys if the humans are going to keep being grossed out when I kill real mice ($5.39) | Weruva Best Feline Friend Cat Food in Tuna & Bonito Be Mine, 5.5 oz. can, 8-pack, seriously, no more diet food, Santa I know you're with me on this ($10.89).

Clockwise from top left:  Feliway Behavior Modifier Natural Spray, I mean do they want me to pee on the couch or don't they? ($17.82) | Modern Cat Holiday Lynks Felted Wool Cat Toys, set of 3 candy cane red and white ($8) | Pounce Crunchy Tartar Control Cat Treats in Tuna & Salmon Flavor ($3).

[Note from the author:  Lola does not pee in the apartment anymore, not at all, not even in the litter boxes, but she still really enjoys hanging out in places where I've sprayed Feliway.  On the Pounce Crunchy treats:  these are Lola's junk food.  She loves them.  She also really likes Whiskas Temptations treats for cats in Creamy Dairy or Savory Salmon flavor ($2.50).]

Oh, and Santa, please ship all above items in cardboard boxes, which are the best gift of all ($0).

Also, throw away the vacuum.

Sincerely yours,
Lola

P.S. I don't know if this was you or God, but thanks again for "taking care" of Kitty this past year because I really like being an only cat.

$271.99 [Betelgeuse's Holiday Wish List]

Next up:  Betelgeuse's Wish List.

*          *          *

Dear Santa,

I'm not a complicated dog, but I like what I like, and you know what I like because I growled it in your ear while I sat on your lap.

Clockwise from top left: 10" Aerobie Superdisc, discussed here ($10) | American Kennel Club Hedgehog Dog Toy w. Squeaker, AKC toys discussed here ($5) | Chuckit! The Whistler, Small, 2" diameter, 2-pack, discussed here ($7) | Wagwear Boat Canvas Carrier, Large, because I like being in a bag ($130).

[A note from the author:  Nothing new here.  I was surprised to see that a replacement inflatable playball did not make the wish list.]

Clockwise from top left:  Block of stinky cheese ($10) | Doggles, assorted colors, size SM ($20) | Dirty sock because the only thing better than you taking your sock off and throwing it on the floor is when you take your other sock off and throw it on the floor ($2) | Satin Baby Blanket with cotton filling, 33" x 33" to cover me in the car and protect me from the sun, covered bridges, trucks, etc. ($55)

[A note from the author.  Two themes emerge from these gifts:  (1) protection from the sun and (2) things that stink.

On the first:  Betel hates that big yellow ball in the sky.  Maybe it's because she spent the first four months of her life in a cage with artificial lighting or maybe it's because she has a big fur coat and gets hot easily.  But whatever the reason, she hates the sun.  When we ride in the car, she gets anxious and sometimes even sick unless and until we cover her with something that blocks out all light (for example, our coats or a dark scarf but not a light-colored t-shirt or towel).  Then she lays down and goes to sleep for the rest of the ride.  She's like a parrot.

If nothing else is available, she'll even try to hide under Lulu. 

It would be nice to have something that is not one of our articles of clothing (or our other dog) to keep in the car for these purposes.  The satin side of a baby blanket would be nice and cool for her, but I think something like the Sleepypod Cloudpuff blanket ($30) would work fine too.  Doggles are hilarious, but I'm not sure she would put up with them.

On the second:  Betel is just gross.  She likes eating her own eye goo and cat poop and hanging out with socks and her favorite treat is the stinkiest cheese in the world.  It's just who she is.] 

And, Mr. Kringle, last but not least:

A bag of 140 replacement squeakers ($32.99), my favorite.  Thanks in advance.  I will leave you some dog food.  Oh, and NO CLOTHES PLS THX THAT SUX.  Also please shrink our cat.

<3,
Betel