$428.25 [Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis]

Despite my love for them, my animal companions are constantly trying to find new and more costly ways to die.

In the last 48 hours, Betelgeuse, my three-year old 12 lb. spitz, came down with a case of Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis, more affectionately known by those in the field as "HGE."  I would rank this death attempt in second place behind last year's rat poison consumption.

Spoiler Alert:  Betel is feeling much better now.  (Not all dogs are so lucky, RIP Ansel.)

Our timeline:
00:00 Hours.  Out of nowhere, Betelgeuse threw up her dinner in our bed.  We cleaned it up.  Then she threw up in the bed again.  And again.  And then on the floor.  And then again.

08:00 Hours.  We woke up for the day, although I'm not sure that we actually slept.  For every sip of water Betelgeuse would take, she would throw up three times.  Lulu, our control variable, was fine.  Kyler and I reluctantly went to work.  I checked in on Betel every hour or so on the webcam.

16:30 Hours.  Kyler got home from work.  Betel refused to eat anything, including tasty things like cooked chicken.

18:30 Hours.  I got home from work.  Betel drank some water and threw up several times.  And then she had bloody diarrhea.  For those of you new to animal companions or stumbling on this page from a Google search, in the event of bloody diarrhea, seek veterinary care immediately.

19:00 Hours.  At the vet.  Blood work ($35.00) and x-ray ($145.00).  X-ray was fine, but blood work revealed an elevated hematocrit level, which is how Betel got her HGE diagnosis.  She was given subcutaneous fluids for dehydration ($45.00), a cerenia injection (anti-nausea medicine) ($47.00), and a famotidine injection (an H₂ blocker, which decreases the amount of acid made in the stomach) ($35.00).  We were told to monitor her overnight, and we made a follow-up appointment in the morning for additional blood work and more subcutaneous fluids.

32:20 Hours.  More bloody diarrhea, right outside the vet's office.  I took a picture of it with my iPhone to show the vet, which offended my husband.  I will spare your eyes and not post it here, but you can email me if you want to see it.  (And I know that some of you want to see it since "bloody diarrhea" is the search term that brought you here.  Note that in my email response to you, I will advise you to seek veterinary care immediately.)

32:30 Hours.  At the vet again.  Blood work ($35.00) and subcutaneous fluids ($45.00).  Betel's hemocrit level was lower, although still slightly elevated.  The vet said she could be treated on an outpatient basis and gave us medication for the next several days -- cerenia (anti-nausua) ($25.00) and flagyl (antibiotic effective against anaerobic bacteria and certain parasites/anti-diarrheal) ($16.25).  Kyler and I played with Leo the ferret and stunk for the rest of the day.

34:00 Hours.  Betelgeuse ate boiled chicken and white rice.  I decided to work from home.  Betel proceeded to sleep all day.  No vomit.  No diarrhea.

41:00 Hours.  She retrieved a ball from somewhere and tried to get me to play.  When I refused on account of work, she groomed Lulu.  She was clearly feeling better.

42:00 Hours.  She ate more boiled chicken and white rice with no adverse side effects.  She got her first at-home doses of the cerenia and flagyl.

45:00 Hours.  We are still waiting on a bowel movement from Betel.  And in the meantime I decided to blog about HGE in case any other pet owners out there are faced with these same sudden, inexplicable gastrointestinal symptoms.

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Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis ("HGE")
Symptoms:  Sudden, profuse vomiting, bloody diarrhea, anorexia, depression.  Elevated hemocrit levels in blood, but no fever and a normal white blood cell count.
Causes:  Uncertain.
Contagious: No.
Treatment:  Intravenous fluid therapy to replace lost fluid volume.  Symptomatic treatment of vomiting and diarrhea.  Antibiotics targeting C. perfringens.
Level of seriousness:  The progression of HGE is so rapid that hypovolemic shock and death can occur within 24 hours if untreated.  Mortality is high in untreated dogs.  Less than 10% mortality with treatment.
Recurrence:  10-15% of cases will recur.

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We could have saved $145 if we turned down the x-ray, but at that point I wasn't sure that Betelgeuse hadn't eaten something weird that was lodged in her intestines.  I wasn't sure of anything.  But whatever.  With the help of our trusty veterinarian, and for a mere $428.25 (ugh.), we thwarted another death attempt and can rest easy.  For now.

$150.00 [Animal Vacations]

Note: A version of this post may have previously shown up in your RSS feed, although it was deleted from this blog. If so, please excuse the re-post.

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By the time this post goes live, (1) the human members of the clan will (finally) be in Costa Rica, and (2) it will be the right time to wish you a HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY from us here at (over)budgetpet!  ♥♥♥

We're missing the animals, especially on this day celebrating love, but the three creatures are currently enjoying alternate vacation accommodations better suited to their tastes than Costa Rica.

Our dogs Betelgeuse and Lulu are vacationing in Long Island with Icarus. Long walks and romps in nature, cuddling, treats, etc. They love getting out of the city, and they love Icky and his humans. I dropped them off on Saturday in Long Island, and they were not the least bit sorry to see me go. Since then, I got word that Icky harnessed his inner wolf and took down a deer while my glorified dog-cats relaxed inside.

Our cat Lola is staycationing at our apartment in Brooklyn with the cat sitter. I am paying the cat sitter $150 to sleep in my bed -- and this is a good deal in New York. I scattered Lola's catnip toys around the house since the dogs aren't here to chew them up and break them open, and she's been having a blast.  She's spending Valentine's Day high as a kite on catnip and purring her little heart out.

I'm not sure what this blog will look like during the remainder of our trip. Maybe a guest post or two? Maybe a photo of me hangin' with monkeys? In any event, Happy Valentine's Day and best wishes from the rainforest. And until the next time my wallet opens for an animal who needs a home or a cute outfit, some portraits of my crew:

$499.99 [iPad]

I've blogged about the iPad ($499.99) before, but some new uses for the device have come to light in recent days.

It turns out that not only can my dog Betelgeuse use the iPad to FaceTime with cat cousin Future Cat [post here], she can also use it to FaceTime with Future Cat's new puppy brother, Rigel.  It shrinks the 700+ miles between Brooklyn, New York and Columbia, South Carolina to almost nothing.  Human and environmental costs aside, the results couldn't be cuter.

Betelgeuse:  Seriously, Rigel, you gotta try the cat food.

What else is the iPad good for?  Well, it makes a great puppy length and width measuring device.

Yes, he's smaller than an iPad.

For measuring puppy weight, however, the iPad won't help you.  You'll still have to use a traditional scale.  I would recommend using the biggest scale you can find.

2.9 lbs. of cute.

$337 [Your House Stinks, Part IV]

This post continues where we left off after Part I [Furnishings & The Floor], II [Bedding & Other Washables] & III [The Air].  If you do not live with a cat, I'm a little sad for you because cats make great housemates, but you can skip this part and go play on Facebook instead.

The Definitive (Over)Budget Pet Guide to De-Stinking Your House and Home

Part IV - The Litter Box

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the grand source of stink: The Litter Box.  The litter box gets the high stink award for two reasons.  First, and most obvious, it's an open air cat toilet in your home.  Even if you are the most diligent of scoopers, there are going to be times when the cat blows up the box and thus blows up your spot.  Second, if you don't get the litter box "right" from your feline companion's perspective, she may start down the slippery slope of “inappropriate elimination" -- that is, urinating and defecating outside of the litter box.  At that point, your home will reach the true pinnacle of stink [unless you fight back with some of the tips from Parts I and II of the Guide, but best to just avoid it and make the litter box acceptable to your cat].

A personal caveat:  Lola doesn't actually use the litter box anymore.  She does her business outside with the dogs, so we spend little to no money or effort on the litter box anymore.  But I am an expert [self-professed, but, whatever, that counts] in litter boxes, and your holiday guests are on the way to your stinky house, so let's get into it anyway.

• Just Scoop It.  The best way to control litter box stink and encourage your cat to use the litter box (rather than your couch, floor, etc.) is to SCOOP COMPLETELY, AND SCOOP FREQUENTLY.  I say "completely" because some people immediately scoop the offensive nose-assaulting poop and leave the pee clumps behind for tomorrow.  Bad idea.  The individual pee clumps can become one giant pee brick, which is difficult to scoop, and -- duh -- it smells like cat pee.  Also, your cat wants the box to be clean, or she'll just find somewhere else to go.  I recommend scooping the box at least twice a day or more frequently.  Your nose and cat will thank you.

• The Covered Litter Box.  If your cat is amenable to this sort of thing, you can use a covered litter box, which does a lot to reduce odors in the home.  I used the Booda Clean Step Litter Box ($32) with accompanying liners ($4.50 for 8 liners) for Lola and Kitty when we lived in Baltimore.  The igloo shape of the Booda Clean Step is adorable, and it has stairs, which catch litter from your cats' paws as they exit the box.  I had to ditch it when I moved to Brooklyn because (1) sometimes Kitty's pee leaked through the seam in the box because she peed standing up, and (2) there was nowhere to put it in my narrow railroad apartment because the Booda Clean Step is a big round monster. 
  Note:  Bigger is better when it comes to litter boxes -- cats are clean animals and don't want to step in (or even see or smell) their own wastes.  This is particularly true if you've got a big breed or a fat cat.  If you are in the market for a covered box, I would go with the Kattails Kat Kave Litter Box ($79) because it's HUGE, there are no seams, and it will last.

• The Top Entry Litter Box.  When I moved to Brooklyn, I replaced the abandoned Booda Clean Step with the Clevercat Top-Entry Litter Box ($35).  My goals were three-fold:  (1) to reduce the amount of litter scattered and tracked by the cats, (2) to reduce pee escaping through litter box seams, and (3) to keep cat turds out of reach of my small poop-eating puppy.  Also the Clevercat had a lower profile than the Booda Clean Step and would actually fit in my apartment.  Unfortunately, Lola did not like peeing in this cave, and Kitty had a hard time entering and exiting through the little hole in the top, particularly after her leg was amputated.  We did okay with the top off, though, which just made it an uncovered over-sized litter box (see below). 
  Note:  If your cat will accept a top-entry box, and you're a baller, get the ModKat Litter Box ($180).

• The Uncovered Litter Box.  Turns out, the litter box has to be UNcovered for Lola to use it reliably.  Yes, it's kind of gross for your guests to see the litter, but the cat prefers it.  Lola, like many cats, feels trapped in the cave-like setting of the covered or top-entry box, and the lack of ventilation makes it really stinky in there.  But on the bright side, having it uncovered makes it easier to clean, and you are more likely to actually clean it when you actually see (and smell) something in the box.  We currently use an un-hooded Petmate X-Large Deluxe Hooded Litter Box ($30).  If Lola actually used the box instead of going outside, I would probably get a bigger one.  And by bigger, I mean, a plastic storage bin, which is all an uncovered litter box is anyway, or maybe the Petmate Giant Litter Pan ($24).
  Note:  This is our primary set-up pictured.  An uncovered litter box with unscented clay clumping litter [discussed below].  To the right, a Bad Air Sponge [discussed in Part III] and a tissue box full of plastic bags for convenient scooping and waste disposal.  Hanging from hooks are the scooper and mini dustpan-broom.  This is located under our bathroom counter.  We also have a top-entry litter box in the living room that Lola also doesn't use [not pictured].  We keep both litter boxes around even though Lola goes outside because we can't afford to take any chances.
  Another note:  Avoid self-cleaning litter boxes or litter boxes with mechanical parts because they are probably just going to break.  Everything is made like crap these days.  And even if they don't break, there are just more things, parts, and pieces to clean and disinfect.  Also, they can be noisy and scare your cat away from its toilet.  If you still want one, do your homework before you buy -- they're expensive, especially when you factor in replacement everythings (e.g., special litter, filters, parts, etc.).

• Clay-based, unscented, clumpable litter.  I have tried a lot of different litters in my day, but Lola says no, I'm a Tidy Cat.  So we use Purina Tidy Cats Scoop for Multiple Cats clumpable litter in Instant Action or 24/7 Performance or certain of the Premium Scoop Varieties, 27 lbs. recyclable plastic pail ($21).  It's sort of a shame because all of the technological and ecological advancements in modern litter are lost on us.  But there is no compromising on our litter, or my couch and rugs will be compromised.  How much litter?  The right depth in our boxes is approximately 3-4".  This enables you to scoop out the clumps easily without them sticking to the bottom of the box.  Unscented litter is preferable to those yucky, perfume-y scented litters -- I don't even want to know what chemicals they soak the litter in to make it smell like that.
  Notes:  The downsides of clay-based litters are that they're dusty, bad for the environment, and the litter ends up getting tracked all over your home.  [If you live with a cat, remember to wipe your feet before you get in bed and hope your cat does the same.]  You can try a litter mat, but I've never had much luck with them.  They don't catch all the litter, and then they're just one more thing to buy and clean.  If "inappropriate elimination" is an issue, we had luck with Cat Attract Litter Additive ($16) as part of our Operation: Save the Couch.

• The Scooper.  Get a heavy duty litter scooper made of plastic or metal.  I previously owned the Clean Go Pet Stainless Steel Slotted Litter Scoop ($9.50) because I'm sometimes convinced that plastic = microbial paradise, but I think it was trashed in our last move.  [I sort of hope it was trashed and is not just packed up in a box somewhere. Gross.]  I replaced it with the Petmate Ultimate Litter Scoop ($9).  I like the long handle and that it has a hole so I can hang it from a hook.  Don't put your scooper on the floor -- hang it from a nail or hook instead or get one that comes with a holder, like the Petmate Scoop 'N Hide ($10) or this cute cat-shaped New Age Scoopy the Cat Litter Scoop Holder, which looks like a sculpture ($13).
  Scooping Notes:  Try not to break up clumps -- the small pieces left behind are difficult to remove completely, and you'll have to change your litter more often.  Also, no scraping -- if you use your scooper to scrape pee clumps or poop, your scooper will be GROSS.  To prevent pee clumps from sticking to the bottom of the box, keep your litter sufficiently deep.  To loosen anything stuck to the sides, tip the box back and forth and either tap the box on the ground or gently hit it with your fist from the outside.  Then you can scoop sans scraping!  [I genuinely don't care if you think I'm crazy.]  If there's some sort of nastiness that is clinging to the box, just use a paper towel and your regular surface cleaner to wipe it off.  Scraping will just transfer the nastiness to your scooper.
  An Unnecessary Aside:  I just learned that there is a retractable scooper on the market that allows you to stand and scoop.  The package boasts "Never Bend."  I don't see how you can effectively clean the litter box while standing up -- will you even have the control you need over the business end of the scooper?  I just imagine flipping pee bricks around like pancakes if you pull up with too much force.

• No additives, no preservatives.  I don't use deodorizing powders or sprays on the litter.  They're expensive and only mask odors (and do a poor job of it anyway).  If you scoop your litter box(es) completely and frequently, the litter stays cleaner and you can replace it less often.  Seriously, there are a million products on the market that promise to deodorize, neutralize, freshen, or actually "destroy" odors, but don't just spray your litter, scoop it.  And if the litter is past its prime, change it.

• Scoop the poop ASAP.  If one of your cats HELLO blows up the box (which he is going to do right when your guests arrive), scoop it immediately.  I keep bags right by the litter box so there is never an excuse not to scoop the poop.  Also, dogs ♥ cat poop, so if we didn't scoop it right away, then the dogs would eat it before we ever could.  Eating cat poop isn't per se bad for Lassie, but the clumping clay litter is extremely dangerous to your pooch's insides.  We end where we began:  Just Scoop It.

We addressed ambient litter box odors back in Part III, so now you have all the tools you need to combat cat stink before your holiday guests arrive.

There is one more part to come in the next day or so -- Part V: The Beasts. And then I can go back to writing about cute stuff like dog leashes.

$443.11 [Your House Stinks, Parts II and III]

This post continues where we left off after Part I.

The Definitive (Over)Budget Pet Guide to De-Stinking Your House and Home

Part II - Bedding & Other Washables

This part of the Guide is pretty simple.  If you can fit it in a washing machine, then don't just spray it with a cleaning solution or sprinkle it with baking soda, WASH IT.  Use your regular detergent or, for added odor-fighting power, an enzymatic laundry detergent, like BioKleen Free & Clear Laundry Detergent ($14.33).  There are even a few products formulated especially for pet laundry, like Petastic Deodorizing Pet Laundry Detergent ($8.29), which can be used as a pre-treat or as your sole detergent [I use it!], or Nature's Miracle Laundry Boost Stain & Odor Additive ($8.99), which can be used in addition to your regular detergent.  If you are an urbanite like us and cannot immediately launder the soiled item because you don't own a washing machine, spray the area with Nature's Miracle Stain & Odor Remover ($6) or pre-treat with one of the above detergents as a stop-gap measure until you can make the trek to the laundromat ($4.50).

In addition to soiled items, regularly wash anything washable that your pets use.  This includes pet bedding, pet clothes, plush toys, leashes and harnesses, pillows, pillowcases, cushion covers, blankets, throws, etc.  If your apartment is squeaky clean but your stinky dog has been lounging on your throws, your apartment will smell like a stinky dog.  Wash your throws.  [Wash your dog, too -- we'll cover that in Part V.]  We recently dropped off $85 worth of laundry at our cleaners for wash-and-fold service because it was time to wash every pet bed, pet toy, throw rug, throw pillow, blanket, and towel we own after the kittens left town.  It was epic.  My apartment smells awesome.

Part III - The Air

Deodorizing the air itself is key.  Once the offending stink has been removed from your furnishings, floors, and fabrics, it can still linger in the air.  We're talking about "wet dog", "I rolled in a dead worm," lingering poop smell, litter box stink, etc.  [Part IV is devoted to the litter box, but we will address ambient litter box stink here.]

• Pet Odor Exterminator Candle ($9 for 70 hours of burn time).  Another enzyme-based product, which attacks the odor particles instead of just masking them with smelly candle smell.  I have used the Lavender with Chamomile, Cherry Pomegranate, and Luscious Creamsicle scents.  I buy them at Unleash Brooklyn, but you can also buy them online -- there are seasonal scents and this company also makes a smoke-odor line of products, which appear to be the same as the pet odor candles with a different label.  These candles are AWESOME.  Super effective with a subtle fragrance.  I keep one in every room, and it is the only candle that can truly counteract kitten stink.  How can something so small and cute make such an awful smell?  I loooooove these candles.  Seriously, it's like this.  [I read the testimonials and can't stop laughing about this litany of animals: "2 dogs, a Bearded Dragon, 2 tortoises, and a corn snake."]

• Bad Air Sponge ($12).  I keep one in the bathroom (in between the human toilet and the cat box), one in the fermentation closet (yeup, we brew beer here), and one in my closet with my clothes.  And this product was invaluable when we had the kittens living in the office.  The Bad Air Sponge neutralizes odor molecules in the air (see also: poop particles!) and also neutralizes odors from porous materials (e.g., furniture, carpets, drapes, walls, upholstery).  It is non-toxic, natural, biodegradable, and safe to use around children and pets (i.e, my dog can eat it and not die, unlike the other blue stuff she ate and almost died).  It works for 30-150 days in rooms up to 400 sq. ft. -- that's entire apartments in Brooklyn!  I'm thinking about getting one for the car, too.
  Note:  I've also tried the Fresh 'N Clean Solid Pet Odor Deodorizer, which is a similar product, but the Bad Air Sponge is leaps and bounds more effective and longer lasting.  I may also try the Earth Care Odor Removing Bag ($19.99) when my Bad Air Sponge expires -- it is mineral-based, non-toxic, biodegradable and safe for pets and children.  It has great reviews, and I like that it hangs rather than taking up precious floor or table top space.

• Air Purifiers.  Air purifiers are a MUST if you live with animals, and I would go so far as to say they're a MUST if you live in an urban area (and probably on a farm, too).  We own the Austin Air Healthmate Jr. Plus Air Purifier ($380), but there are air purifiers at every price point, so do your homework before you buy.  I bought our Austin Air Healthmate Jr. Plus in May 2010 when we had two humans and three animals (including a not-completely housebroken puppy and a sick old long-haired cat) packed in a tiny railroad apartment.  The filter on the Austin Air Healthmate Jr. Plus model only needs to be replaced once every five years, and it cleans a "room area" of up to 700 sq. ft. -- yes, a "room area" larger than our last apartment.  It's not the most quiet model, but I prefer white noise to silence, so that's a pro for me.  This is a key part of our de-stinking strategic plan and also a key part of my boyfriend's de-allergizing strategic plan -- along with allergy shots and nasal sprays.  We also have a number of air-purifying houseplants, which cost significantly less than an electronic air purifier, and which are awesome to have around for tons of other reasons.

• Adequate Ventilation.  Open your windows, run your fans!  Keep the air moving and the odors at bay.

• Other.  We've used "room sprays," wall plug-ins, and other kinds of scented candles, but these aren't really necessary.  I like our apartment to smell like nothing (or food), so I stay away from a lot of the fragrant products, other than the above candles, which are effective and neutralize odors with just a subtle lingering fragrance.  And eww to Febreze or anything "clean linen" scented.  Just clean it for real, please.

$188.05 [Your House Stinks, Part I]

Got company coming for the holidays?  Got animals?  Well, I hate to break it to you, but you should know this before your guests arrive:  Your house stinks.  You need to address it.  But I'm here to help. 

I know this stuff.  I grew up in a house that could have doubled for a pet store.  We had cats, dogs, ferrets, lizards, rabbits, fish, birds.  And we had some particularly stinky examples of the species:  a dog with skin allergies, multiple male cats "spraying" their territory (ever had to hop a "pee spot" to get out of your bedroom?), an old ferret (enough said).  Our house definitely smelled like animals.  As an adult, I am determined not to let my home fall victim to the animal stink.  I am at war with pet-related odors, and with my arsenal of specialty pet products, despite living in a small Brooklyn apartment, I have been largely successful in this war.*  And now I'm going to help you.  Yes, my first helpful blog post:

The Definitive (Over)Budget Pet Guide to De-Stinking Your House and Home

Part I - Furnishings & The Floor

• Anti-Icky-Poo ($29.95 for a gallon).  This odor-eliminating product is a miracle worker.  This is for your worst case scenario:  a dog or, worse, a cat releases its bladder onto your couch, mattress, or carpet.  You know, the one squat (and then it's never just the one) that stinks up something on which you spent a substantial amount of money and where you and your family, friends, lovers sit, lay, and sleep.  Anti-Icky-Poo is for that.  It's an enzymatic cleaner.  It has an active bacteria ingredient that eats the decaying organic matter rather than just masking the smell.  So what's left behind is odorless -- no pee odor and no terrible chemical smell.  Anti-Icky-Poo saved my couch from the wrath of Lola.  You can use this product for any organic or bio odor (including poop, pee, skunk, corpse and odors with a human origin).
  Instructions:  Clean up the mess, spray Anti-Icky-Poo onto the compromised surface, then wait for the product to dry.
  Notes:  First, this is for odors, not stains, so you may need to follow up with a stain remover once this product is dry (see below).  But you have to use this product first  -- if you use it after another cleaner, especially a synthetic cleaner, it is less effective and can cause discoloration.  Don't go to town with tons of cleaners -- just spray or pour Anti-Icky-Poo on the area and trust that it will work.  Second, it takes three times as long as you think it will for this stuff to dry.  Wait it out.  Third, Anti-Icky-Poo even works on old odors.  Seriously, this stuff is the BEST.

• Nature's Miracle Just for Cats Orange-Oxy Stain & Odor Remover ($10.85 for 24 fl. oz. spray bottle).  This is currently my preferred product for pet stains and for doggie accidents on our large area rug.  Lulu is the only one of our animals who has "accidents" anymore, and I put it in quotes because it only seems to happen when its raining outside [ahem, Lulu], but we also sometimes have accident-prone puppy visitors.  C'est la vie -- I wouldn't have it any other way.  I also use this product on the rug to remove muddy paw prints and to generally brighten it up from animal and human shoe traffic.  [Why do we -- Brooklyn beer brewer and animal hoarder -- have a light colored rug?  Anybody?]
  Instructions:  (1) Wipe up as much of stain/odor-causing material as possible, (2) Spray entire area, (3) For tough stains, use a stiff brush, (4) Allow everything to air dry completely, and (5) Keep pets away from treated area until dry.
  Notes:  First, for cat pee or large areas, don't listen to those Nature's Miracle fanatics, start with Anti-Icky-Poo (above).  Second, this product is good for small spots on carpets or large rugs, but if you're dealing with soiled bedding or something otherwise small enough to put in a washing machine, just wash it instead with an enzymatic pet laundry detergent, which will be addressed in Part II of the Guide.  Third, this product has a slight chemically orange odor that lingers until the spot is totally dry (which can take a few days), so I like to keep the windows open and the ceiling fan going in the meantime for circulation. 

• Dog Whisperer Natural Stain & Odor Remover for Hard Surfaces ($13).  My past five apartments in Chicago, Baltimore, and Brooklyn have all had hardwood floors.  You can use an all-purpose cleaner for vinyl or linoleum floors [I personally like Parsley Plus All Surface Cleaner ($5.29 for 22 fl. oz.)], but you need a special cleaner for hardwood floors.  Cue the Dog Whisperer.  Confession: I have not used this new formulation, but I was obsessed with the old one.  Hopefully it is the same stuff in new packaging.  Currently, for any pet messes (poop, pee, puke, etc.), human spills, or mud on the floor, I've been using Nature's Miracle Dual Action Hard Floor Stain & Odor Remover ($11.78 for 24 fl. oz.), which works just fine.  But I was give-it-to-other-people-as-a-holiday-gift obsessed with the Dog Whisperer cleaner, so I will probably buy the new formulation when I use up my current spray bottle of Nature's Miracle.
  Instructions:  Spray and wipe up.
  Notes:  These products are for finished floors only.  For unfinished floors, soak 'em with Anti-Icky-Poo (above).  I'm officially a broken record.  

• Dyson DC28 Animal Vacuum ($649.99).  Vacuum everything often.  This is key in controlling odors and reducing allergens in your home.  I'm talking your carpets, your rugs, your hardwood floors, your couch cushions, etc.  I don't actually own this vacuum (I own a cheap old Hoover Nano-Lite), but if I had a large home or carpets + an infinite amount of money, I would sure as hell own this vacuum.  The Dyson DC28 Animal is the vacuum of my dreams.
  Instructions:  Plug it in, turn it on, watch your pets scatter like it's the end of the world.  Empty the canister often (and preferably outside).
  Notes:  Before vacuuming carpets or large rugs, I like to sprinkle a baking soda product like actual baking soda ($4.26) or Arm & Hammer Plus OxiClean Dirt Fighters Carpet Odor Eliminator - Pet Fresh ($4.85).  Don't use these products on hardwood floors, though -- the baking soda just gets stuck in the cracks.  Oh, and you should mop hard surfaces, too, of course, but that's not animal-specific so I won't get into it here.

• Shark Cordless Pet Perfect II Hand Vac ($68.12).  I do own this hand-held vacuum (a.k.a. dust buster), on the same theory as the vacuum.  This one was awesome for a hot second and then lost its suction power.  I am in the process of troubleshooting, but I feel like this always happens with dust busters.

• Flor Modular Carpet Tiles (prices vary).  My next large rug purchase will actually be a bunch of small dark-but-not-too-dark-colored Flor carpet tiles put together, and I will keep a set of back-up tiles in the closet.  Flor modular carpet tiles can be removed and then cleaned, refreshed, and replaced, perfect for a home with pets.  I will use this guide to select them.  In my dreams, I have a Flor rug and vacuum it with a Dyson DC28 Animal Vacuum.  And no, it's not weird that I dream about rugs.

• Hypoallergenic Waterproof Mattress Protector ($39.95).  Unless you're one of the well-adjusted non-crazies who don't allow animals in their beds, if you have a puppy, just suck it up and get a waterproof mattress protector.  [We currently have a hypoallergenic mattress protector because Kyler has dog and cat hair allergies, but if we ever have another accident-prone puppy, which is ALL puppies, I will definitely get a waterproof cover.]  Yes, you can get the pee smell out of your bed with an enzymatic cleaner, but it's better to never get to that point -- just get a waterproof mattress cover.  I found this image on the Internet.  Cute, right?  Also, I'm so glad Betel is a "big dog" now and despite her size can hold her pee longer than any other dog I know.  No more "I'm sorry," although I don't believe she has ever been "sorry" about anything in her life. 

I think this concludes Part I - Furnishings & The Floor.

To preview the rest of the guide:
Part II - Bedding & Other Washables
Part III - The Air
Part IV - The Litter Box
Part V - The Beasts

* My most honest friend who also incidentally hates animals (yes, really) had this to say about my apartment: "I would never know you had pets from the look or smell of your apartment. The only give-aways are the cute water fountain and cute plush animals toys and things like that." - Sabrina

** The $188.05 cost in the post title is everything but the vacuum and Flor tiles, although it decreases to $119.93 if I go back in time and never buy the stupid dust buster. Turns out it's not cheap to smell this good.

$183.59 [Lola's Holiday Wish List]

It is our ninth Christmas together, I can't believe it.  Yes, it's time for Lola's Wish List!

*          *          *

Dear Santa,

I like you.  We're both on the big side and look good in red.  Give me some or all of my wish list, and I'll probably like you even more.

Clockwise from top left:  Sojos Premium Organic Catnip ($3.99) | Armakat Classic Cat Tree, yes we already had this, and no, I was not consulted in the decision to donate it to a cat rescue organization ($132) | Set of Three Shrimp Catnip Cat Toys if the humans are going to keep being grossed out when I kill real mice ($5.39) | Weruva Best Feline Friend Cat Food in Tuna & Bonito Be Mine, 5.5 oz. can, 8-pack, seriously, no more diet food, Santa I know you're with me on this ($10.89).

Clockwise from top left:  Feliway Behavior Modifier Natural Spray, I mean do they want me to pee on the couch or don't they? ($17.82) | Modern Cat Holiday Lynks Felted Wool Cat Toys, set of 3 candy cane red and white ($8) | Pounce Crunchy Tartar Control Cat Treats in Tuna & Salmon Flavor ($3).

[Note from the author:  Lola does not pee in the apartment anymore, not at all, not even in the litter boxes, but she still really enjoys hanging out in places where I've sprayed Feliway.  On the Pounce Crunchy treats:  these are Lola's junk food.  She loves them.  She also really likes Whiskas Temptations treats for cats in Creamy Dairy or Savory Salmon flavor ($2.50).]

Oh, and Santa, please ship all above items in cardboard boxes, which are the best gift of all ($0).

Also, throw away the vacuum.

Sincerely yours,
Lola

P.S. I don't know if this was you or God, but thanks again for "taking care" of Kitty this past year because I really like being an only cat.

$271.99 [Betelgeuse's Holiday Wish List]

Next up:  Betelgeuse's Wish List.

*          *          *

Dear Santa,

I'm not a complicated dog, but I like what I like, and you know what I like because I growled it in your ear while I sat on your lap.

Clockwise from top left: 10" Aerobie Superdisc, discussed here ($10) | American Kennel Club Hedgehog Dog Toy w. Squeaker, AKC toys discussed here ($5) | Chuckit! The Whistler, Small, 2" diameter, 2-pack, discussed here ($7) | Wagwear Boat Canvas Carrier, Large, because I like being in a bag ($130).

[A note from the author:  Nothing new here.  I was surprised to see that a replacement inflatable playball did not make the wish list.]

Clockwise from top left:  Block of stinky cheese ($10) | Doggles, assorted colors, size SM ($20) | Dirty sock because the only thing better than you taking your sock off and throwing it on the floor is when you take your other sock off and throw it on the floor ($2) | Satin Baby Blanket with cotton filling, 33" x 33" to cover me in the car and protect me from the sun, covered bridges, trucks, etc. ($55)

[A note from the author.  Two themes emerge from these gifts:  (1) protection from the sun and (2) things that stink.

On the first:  Betel hates that big yellow ball in the sky.  Maybe it's because she spent the first four months of her life in a cage with artificial lighting or maybe it's because she has a big fur coat and gets hot easily.  But whatever the reason, she hates the sun.  When we ride in the car, she gets anxious and sometimes even sick unless and until we cover her with something that blocks out all light (for example, our coats or a dark scarf but not a light-colored t-shirt or towel).  Then she lays down and goes to sleep for the rest of the ride.  She's like a parrot.

If nothing else is available, she'll even try to hide under Lulu. 

It would be nice to have something that is not one of our articles of clothing (or our other dog) to keep in the car for these purposes.  The satin side of a baby blanket would be nice and cool for her, but I think something like the Sleepypod Cloudpuff blanket ($30) would work fine too.  Doggles are hilarious, but I'm not sure she would put up with them.

On the second:  Betel is just gross.  She likes eating her own eye goo and cat poop and hanging out with socks and her favorite treat is the stinkiest cheese in the world.  It's just who she is.] 

And, Mr. Kringle, last but not least:

A bag of 140 replacement squeakers ($32.99), my favorite.  Thanks in advance.  I will leave you some dog food.  Oh, and NO CLOTHES PLS THX THAT SUX.  Also please shrink our cat.

<3,
Betel

$499.99 [FaceTime]

Buy an iPad 2 so that your pets can FaceTime with other animals and you can take screenshots to memorialize it.  My iPad was a birthday gift, but this moment is worth every penny of that $499.99.

Pictured here:  A FaceTime convo between Future Cat in Columbia, South Carolina and Betelgeuse in Brooklyn, New York.

$14,600 [2008 Honda Fit]

The purchase price of the 2008 Honda Fit, my very first automobile. 

People often ask why I bother having a car in New York City?  Well, other than for trips to the vet and to the Park Slope Food Coop, the car is not for New York City -- it's so that I can get OUT of New York City.  Oh, and so that my dogs can put some phone books on the pedals and go joyriding.

$103.95 [OllyDog Hugger]

OllyDog Hugger (in hunter green)

One of the many (many) carriers in our arsenal.  We purchased this carrier - designed by Ollydog Inc., a small company in Berkeley, California - for our cross-country roadtrip with Betelgeuse to bypass the "no dogs on trails" rule of many of our country's amazing national parks.  It comes in orange (pictured below) and green (which is the one we purchased from our local pet boutique).

This thing is great, and I have not found another carrier like it on the market.  Throwing a dog in a tote bag or sling for a subway ride or part of a hike is one thing, but hiking for miles with an 11 lbs. dog on your back is quite another.  That's where the support and comfort offered by the chest straps and wide shoulder straps on this carrier really stand out.  The hard bottom also seemed to be more stable and comfortable for Betelgeuse than some of our other bags that hug her body and can make her hot.  Bonus:  the dimensions are 15" x 7" x 17", which also make it carry-on friendly on most major airlines.

Only two complaints:  (1) for all the reasons that make this a great carrier when you must carry your dog (e.g., on a no-dogs-allowed hiking trail or in the airport), it is not the most convenient carrier to bring with you just in case you might want to carry your dog - it's just too big and bulky to carry while the pup walks on the ground; a collapsible tote bag is going to win that battle every time - and (2) I had some trouble making the straps tight enough for my smaller frame.  This second complaint was not one shared by my better half, who carried Betelgeuse in our OllyDog Hugger for most of our hot desert trek to the Delicate Arch in Arches National Park.

She was a great park citizen to ride in this backpack all day.  To make it up to her, we also took her to Dead Horse Point State Park, which is a dog-friendly state park right down the road, where she could run up and down the trails and drink out of craters to her heart's content.

The OllyDog Hugger is $103.95 on sale at the linked online retailer, and even to the author of a blog called (over)budget pet, this is no small sum.  On a cost-per-use basis, we're not getting a great deal with this carrier, which we rarely use because the pups prefer to hit the trails with their paws, but when we did need it, it was a stand out.  It's extremely high quality for a pet product (which unfortunately are often made like crap), and I like supporting small businesses making quality products like OllyDog.

$47.25 [SmartCat Multi-Level Cat Climber]

The SmartCat Multi-Level Cat Climber, a gift from Santa to Lola for Christmas 2010. 

Lola is the alpha animal of the clan.  She rules the roost.  And her second favorite pastime -- her first being eating all the food -- is sitting on a cat tree or cat condo, sharpening her razor claws and surveying her vast empire.

If you have a multiple animal household, giving the cat(s) a means to demonstrate the hierarchy will enable everyone to live in relative peace.  A cat tree allows for this:  the dominant cat will always be on top, and the dogs can't climb it.  And it's also a great way for indoor cats to get exercise and to get their scratchin' on someplace other than your furniture or rugs.  This amazing "customer photo" from Amazon obviously taken by a crazy person features 5 of the customer's 17 cats in a clear hierarchy:

$17.99 [Freezy Pups Kit]

Freezy Pups Kit for Dogs.  I bought this glorified ice cube tray from a local pet store on May 6 to celebrate our Cinco de Mayo adoption of Lulu.  I know what you're thinking, but I was overcome with celebratory impulses and my love of things shaped like bones.

It makes frozen treats (or just ice) shaped like little bones.  The kit comes with four sample flavors: White Cheddar Cheese, Banana Honey, Sweet Potato 'n Maple, and Chicken Soup.  You can buy replacement mixes or just make your own.

During Brooklyn's recent heat wave, Betelgeuse and Lulu cooled off with Chicken Soup-flavored freezy pups, which went over pretty well.  The downside is that both dogs kept taking the freezy pups from their bowls and bringing them up on the couch, which, like most things the dogs do, is gross. 

$17.99 for a delicious, frozen treat for your doggie friends.  But unless you're swayed by the whole bone-shape thing, save your money and just use chicken stock and your regular ice-cube tray.

$64.55 [Fountain]

This stainless steel Drinkwell 360 Pet Fountain was a very generous birthday gift from my brother, straight off my wishlist. A replacement for my Drinkwell Original Pet Fountain, which does not get a link or my endorsement because it's a nasty loud eyesore that needs constant refilling. My stainless steel Drinkwell 360 Pet Fountain, however, gets a link, an endorsement, and a photo:

Oh yes, this fountain. It is shiny and beautiful, blending in perfectly amongst the stainless steel refrigerator and sink with which it shares the kitchen. It has five interchangeable spout rings depending on how many streams your animal companions prefer, and you can easily adjust the flow. (Lola prefers a steady stream to splash with her paws, and Kitty doesn't care. About anything.) The pump is virtually silent. It holds one gallon of water, which is perfect since I have four animals drinking from it. Strike that -- only three.

Which brings me to my only complaint about this fountain, which is really a complaint about my dog: Betelgeuse is terrified of the stainless steel Drinkwell 360 Pet Fountain. You should see her even try to walk by the thing -- it's pathetic -- so she drinks from a glass bowl sitting close, but not too close, to the majestic fountain. Should we do the math? $63.55 to have a small unsightly dish of water on the floor anyways? Nope, not okay. I will spend an additional dollar on the delicious hot dog that I'm going to put in the fountain; her love of hot dogs will conquer all her fears. Either that, or my brother and I have together spent $64.55 to watch a soggy weiner float in a beautiful pet fountain.

Update:  Betelgeuse now drinks from the fountain!  All is well in water world.